Shop Talk | When The Kink Is Dead

January 31st, 2011 at 2:47 pm.

A few years ago I’d often look forward to the dead of winter, and anticipate the luxury of finally booking a salon appointment with my favorite hair stylist just a few short blocks from my home. I’d discreetly wrap my 7 day old misshapen bushy fro with the nearest bandana, tie it securely & walk (often as late as 11 p.m.) the incognito route to the doors of said stylist, breathing weekly deeeeeep sighs of relief as she washed, blow dried, flat ironed & bumped my ends with curls. This was my winter hair routine for many years long before words such as, ‘heat protectant,’ ’porosity’ & ‘curl pattern’ ever entered my vernacular. I was the ‘veteran’ natural girl with limited knowledge, who thought she knew it all…but ended up discovering  the hard way that taking care of one’s natural hair meant more than simply ‘dealing’ with it.

With 8+ years of being natural under my belt, evidently I still knew very little on how to care for my kinks & curls; and my yearly droves during winter to get them straightened reflected this lack of knowledge. For some naturals, the rite of passage in learning the wants and needs of your hair varies from a few years to right out of the gate. Mine came after experiencing the fraught filled moment known as irreversible heat damage. There was a lot. Too much in fact to casually ignore & hope a heavy duty $40 deep conditioner treatment could fix.

For several weeks I was in denial, threw a few pity parties and invited no one I knew because of the embarrassment. My hair looked wretched! With 90% heat damage overtaking my once pristine head of natural hair, I was at a loss as to how or what went wrong. I became worried that’d I’d been played the fool by my friend/stylist each week after shelling out $60+ dollars, and accepting the then much appreciated compliments while hair was blown straight, fancy & flowing.

Today, it’s a familiar woeful tale & one I’ve seen played out continually on many blogs, forums & even YouTube… though back then I lacked the necessary tools to manage my own negligence.

Inevitably a decision was made though, rather than place blame on the person who took hot comb to kink and obliterated years of growing from a TWA to Fro-ish glory…instead I took charge by investing more than just $$ into my hair…I slowly began to trade in ignorance for knowledge.

It’s been a two year long journey of snipping, trimming, deep conditioning and learning how to properly care for my hair, but this was my turning point. After 8 years of thinking one had to ‘deal’ with natural hair, I unknowingly graduated to the proper place of appreciating my new texture & slowly slid into the driver’s seat of my natural hair journey. This was always my proper place, though it took setbacks, misinformation and lack of confidence to fully come to this understanding.

I was finally able to understand that even the most effortless of hair styles…whether it’s worn out & free formed or laid down in micro two-strand twists…requires a special care & more than blind visits to the hair salon. Over coming heat damage was my gateway to accepting what it is I had to do, to not only love my hair for what it is, but care for in a way that enables it to thrive…and also, have fun experimenting with different styles!

Today I have a much greater appreciation for hair stylists who do engage their clients on the basics of maintaining a healthy head of naturally textured hair. At this point in the game, it’s essential. It’s a partnership when you walk into a salon. Make sure they listen to what it is you want & please don’t let them sway you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. It only took 8 years…8 years & 1 crucial setback which forced me to hide under hats and slicked back buns…but thankfully it also unveiled the now important practical, everyday lessons that have helped me to appreciate my kinks, curls and new compliments laced with…“How’d you get your Fro so big?”

5 comments ( Reply )

  1. Alicia
    Jan 31, 2011 @ 4:22 pm

    I haven’t had a relaxer since May 07 but didn’t get serious about caring for my hair until about 3 months ago. I transitioned long term by wearing braids, wigs, & sew-ins. I started wearing my natural hair out in April 09. Since then I’ve seen little growth & I have very dry hair. So starting this year I’m going to focus on length & moisture retention.

    Reply

  2. Nyree Price
    Mar 14, 2011 @ 11:29 am

    I am so happy that I found your website after just going through a similar heat damage fiasco a few weeks ago. I went to a Dominican Salon because I wanted the bouncy, straight look for Valentine’s Day and kept this straight look for 2 weeks. Looking forward to going back to my fro, I knew something was wrong when as I washed it I smelled like burnt hair. This was followed by globs of hair on the floor of the tub. I hurriedly washed out the conditioner so that I could get out of the shower to actually see the damage I was so praying had not happened. As I felt through my hair I could feel patches where my hair had broken off and spent much of the rest of the evening curled up on the bed crying and praying I was in a bad dream. When I finally realized this wasn’t a dream, I got on line to research what other Naturals experience has been with heat damage, Domincan salons etc… It helped to hear that I wasn’t alone but I also knew I needed to move on from the place of where my hair was to how to get it back and get it back healthy. Reading websites like yours is really helping me to learn and care for my hair rather than just maintaining it. For example I now know about porosity, texture etc…. These things I would have never ventured to look up on my own because I was just maintaining my cute fro rather than learning about healthy hair. I’m now on a journey for a healthy fro and embracing this minor setback as a learning experience.

    Reply

    • chai
      Mar 14, 2011 @ 10:57 pm

      Nyree, so sorry to hear about your experience. I can emphasize 100%, and believe me when I say that the road to healthy(ier) hair is very possible. I was in deniable about my heat damage for much too long before finally doing anything about it, but when it dawned on me what had happened, I developed a new focus for my hair. So glad you’re on the right track now! If you have any questions about heat damage, or my experiences w/it, you can always e-mail me. – Chai

      Reply

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge